Divorce
Divorce and Separation:
One out of every two marriages end in divorce, and second marriages divorce at an even higher rate. Also, the divorce rates for women over 50 are steadily increasing.
Divorce is not an easy decision. Usually one party was considering the divorce before it was addressed. This party (the initiator) is usually more emotionally prepared for the divorce. The non-initiator is usually more emotionally vulnerable. Both parties are dealing with the loss, sadness and the uncertainty of the future.
Divorce is a difficult transition for all family members. It is difficult for the parents to tend to their own needs and address their children’s needs. This time can be overwhelming. It can be difficult to go from being part of a couple to being single again and single parenting can be overwhelming. Learn how to address the best interests of your children while tending to your own needs. While addressing what went wrong in this relationship you will be preparing for an opportunity to have a healthier relationship in the future.
New Jersey Divorce:
There are several ways to divorce in New Jersey. There is the traditional way of litigating which often leaves the parents as adversaries which is not in the best interest of their children and all parties feel like they have “lost”. Each party obtains their own attorney. I can help through this period to address how your children are being affected and to help reduce your trauma.
Divorce Mediation and Collaboration are other ways to Divorce in NJ.
I am an accredited Divorce Mediator. In mediation the three of us meet to negotiate settlement in the following areas:
- Alimony
- Property distribution
- Custody and time sharing
- Child support
These issues remain the same regardless of the way you choose to divorce.
Once settled, I will draw up a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU). This MOU is then brought to your individual review attorney and one of the attorneys will draw up your Property Settlement Agreement. Mediation can help guide you to make choices that will benefit your family.
Collaborative Divorce is an additional alternative. In collaboration, each spouse has their own attorney, and will have more control of the negotiations. The spouses and attorneys meet in four way meetings to negotiate settlement. Collaboration minimizes the conflict that is prevalent in so many traditional divorces. Instead of conflict, the collaboratively trained interdisciplinary team uses cooperation and communication to achieve a mutually satisfactory agreement. As part of the interdisciplinary team, there is a Divorce Coach and a child specialist and a financial person on the team. The coach and child specialist are mental health providers and help create parenting plans and/or support the children through the divorce. I am a member of the collaboration team as a coach and child specialist. For additional information, please see the IACP website or contact me.
Children of Divorce:
- For the children whose parents are going through a divorce this can be stressful, embarrassing, sad and create anger. Children’s reactions differ based on their development age and their gender.
Children have a list of wants:
* Please stop fighting
* I want to love both of you
* Please don’t put me in the middle and communicate directly with the other parent
And children want to tell their children:
* Please know that I can and will survive this divorce, if you, my parents allow me to.When working with these children, it is helpful for them to hear stories of other children and for them to realize that they are not alone. There are workbooks that I will use with your child to help address the issues of going through the family divorce. I also work with the parents to help address appropriate co-parenting. Children can and will survive a divorce as long as you, the parents allow them to.
